The Transformation and Other Life Lessons

It started with a fever that reached temperatures of 102.8. Our little man became a little furnace. Of course this fever was hotly debated among the family experts. Some wizened and gray haired simply nodded and stroked their chins. "Teething," they whispered amongst themselves. Completely satisfied that the eight teeth Derek is getting right now (doubling the over all total) was the cause of the heat emanating from my 14 month old.
Another faction of sage elders tsk-ed such quick dismissal shaking their heads. They believed his temperature was too high for teething and secretly I agreed.
We sought advice from the medicine man, or um, his...well...nurse who told us to to administer the grape elixir for fever and be watchful for further symptoms. The weekend passed and the heat subsided. It seemed the teeth elders had been correct. But then, we all know the story doesn't end there, don't we? Sure the temperature passed but then new symptoms started to appear one by one. I noticed the spots on day 3. We had already been battling the spots of a yeast infection in our poor hero's diaper area and so when these other sinister markings started appearing on his face, then torso, then arms and legs I assumed they were all of the same nature. You could say, I connected the dots.
Said dots were plentiful and the village elders were sent into a frenzy of new possibilities. One former teething elder seamlessly transitioned to pox. I had a flash of Monty Python driving a handcart down the street.  I kept my conclusions, on the other hand, much more realistic. I reasoned simply that Derek had yeast, the infection had merely spread and become systemic, and this would probably be the cause of his untimely demise. Okay, so I maybe was being a little melodramatic.
Thankfully the medicine man was in. The wise elders (and completely clueless parents) waited with bated breath for his revelation. You know what he said? "Sounds like Roseola."
What the heck is Roseola? Do you remember growing up and having a random spotted disease? In my book the only time you get spots is with chicken pox. I think this must be a new something made just for our children. Good news is with this particular virus the fever is usually the worst part and the rash doesn't even itch. It just made us all think that Derek was undergoing some kind of Kafkaesque transformation. Thankfully he has maintained his mostly human form.
Now if we could just get rid of his diaper rash from Hades all would be well. On that front the persistence of irritation has caused diaper dermatitis. Yay. That means no more Luvs. *sniffle, sniffle* I guess I should just be grateful that I got my last box of 182 diapers for free. And, by some miracle, that Pampers actually has sent me coupons during a time their diapers are on sale. I feel like the planets have finally aligned. I never imagined such a thing in my wildest couponing dreams. I curse the dreaded yeast and heat for my diaper budget misfortune but Bryan maintains it must be Luv's fault for manufacturing Cryptonite into their products. He took the revelation in stride, happy to know that SuperBaby would be back to full strength once the toxins were removed.